You know the expression “milk soup” that points to a person with a choleric character, who is easily irritated and who loses all control and discernment and that refers to any sensitive person who is easily overwhelmed by their emotions. The comparison with a saucepan of milk on the fire, which suddenly overflows and will force the fire to go out, is like a violent anger that is calmed down as easily as it appeared.
It may happen that you get angry because a fact, an error, a rumor… disgusts you or because you are simply dealing with a situation that has the gift of desperate. However, you know that anger never brings anything constructive. Aware of the effects, he wants to be able to control himself better from this bloodshed that, in the long term, could damage the relationship with his team.
Taking stock of the usefulness of anger
To start off on the right foot and not repeat your eternal barking, you must integrate a principle: it is very rare that anger leads you to what you want. If you have in mind the fact that the person will remember this to control your anger, you will have to put that idea out of your mind. Blaming others is never the right strategy, to act better you can see all the negative consequences of your anger: you can lose part of your team, create a bad environment, limit information, delay the person.
… and sometimes even break some dialogue. So many elements that could ultimately damage the goal you have set for yourself. In companies, it is like this that good or bad news circulate rapidly on a daily basis without our being able to control it. The key is to allow yourself to be overwhelmed by your emotions. Anger is really only useful at very specific times, like honking a car horn. You rarely get anything from it, but it can be useful in case of immediate danger.
The Phenomenon of Regret
Have you been angry in the past and regret it? It’s not serious! As the expression would say, there is no “death of man”. Anger is a natural reaction and you will still feel it. Injustice, stupidity, ignorance, or even facing the consequences of something you didn’t do can quickly bring him back. Yes, but now, once your cries are released, you may regret it because they hardly give a positive image of you.
And then know that the person who suffered the anger can perfectly understand your reaction, even excessive, because many people put themselves in the place of others. Getting angry doesn’t mean you’re wrong, because you often have reason to be. The concern is that the backlash is often out of proportion to the failure.
Most of your crises will not have consequences and what really matters is how you act afterwards because it is a matter of mastering it. If you feel uncomfortable about a recent anger and see that the person has been affected by it, don’t hesitate to apologize for getting angry. This does not mean that you were wrong but that your reaction was surely excessive. Explain after apologizing calmly why you got angry if you feel the person is receptive. Otherwise, don’t develop more than that.
The process for your anger to go down
Once you understand that anger has to be exceptional, it’s time to remove it from your behavior. Yes, but how ?
In fact, sometimes it is not easy when you get up to control it. When the news arrives, the reaction can be immediate so here is the procedure to follow. When bad news arrives, start by isolating yourself, it is the first reflex to have. You need to calm down and take a step back. When you feel that “mustard rises” systematically tell yourself that you must give yourself 5 minutes, not one less, to think. If your interlocutor insists, do not hesitate to give an excuse, before reacting, to walk away.
focus on something positive
Look at something pleasant like a photo that particularly appeals to you. Then come two central questions: what is so important in this? Do you have another way to express your emotion besides anger? If you feel that you need time to think about it, do not hesitate to exercise, you will soon discover that your anger will be a thing of the past. If you don’t have time, touch your arms or squeeze them, this technique allows you to regain your senses by reconnecting with yourself. Other techniques also work, such as taking a deep breath in and out to lower your heart rate, drinking water, rolling a stress ball, or even writing down the reasons for your anger on it. Remember, though, that until the problem is resolved, there’s no point in ignoring it because the problem could come back or you could keep your grudge in mind. You just have to find the right words and the right tone to convey how you feel.